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January 28, 2003

State of Disrepair in the Union

Our nation faces overwhelming challenges.

Our economy is struggling and we are going to prop it up. We have a staggering crime problem and we will eliminate it. Pollutants fill our soil, air, and rivers and we will remove them. Some of our children can read but we are going to teach them. Our sick and elderly cant afford adequate health care but this can be fixed. Our country is under attack by terrorists and we are going to hunt them and kill them. The world fears weapons of horrific destruction we are the worlds protector we will eradicate these terrible menaces. In short you have nothing to fear. We are the people of the United States of America we will fix it all.

We began tonight by letting The People of Oregon decide their own future.

The People of Oregon chose to follow the logic of the White House. To get the economy kicked into gear we are going to institute massive tax relief. This will give all Americans more money to spend. In fact it is going to give Americans so much more money to spend that companies will hire more workers who will in return spend more money and suddenly our economy will be strong and vital again. So as true Americans should do, Oregonians chose to listen to the White House and cut government spending by voting down a tax increase referred to them by the lawmakers they elected to make such weighty decisions. As a result the taxpayers will have more money with which to prop up our economy.

Shortly following the news stories that report two murders, a shooting, a rape, several reported robberies, and a large drug bust we find that the voters in Oregon have voted to cut funding to law enforcement agencies. Since we cant keep up with the criminals anyway we are going to quit spending our tax dollars to fight crime; those dollars are needed for fancy European cars and Caribbean cruises. We are going to eliminate officers from out police force, cut staff from our crime labs that process evidence, and release the criminals who continually break into our vehicles. But what we will have is leaner, more effective, law enforcement that will shoot first and ask questions if they can find time. We will have prisons where the least criminal of the criminals will be let go to make more room for the hardened criminals until we run out of space and let them go as well. We will have prosecutors who have no evidence with which to prosecute because we have no crime labs to process the evidence collected by the police. Now we will have former taxpayers (the law enforcement agencies employees) who are no longer paying taxes and are no longer aiding our economy by spending. But the rest of us Americans can make up for them.

Once the people of Oregon decided that they didnt need as much law enforcement it naturally follows that having clean air to breath, clean soil to grow our food in, and clean rivers to provide us with healthy fish and drinking water were not really all that necessary either. While we are at it lets cut some funding to those agencies that protect our environment as well. This will save the taxpayers even more with which to prop up the economy.

The savings made from cutting environmental conservation programs can then be spent in the health care industry fixing the damage we have done to ourselves by eating poisoned food and drinking polluted water. This will give the healthcare industry a glut of funds with which they can help the sick and the elderly receive the care they need. As the sick get better, and the elderly feel more cared for, they will in turn be happier more productive members of society and begin spending money again; which of course will further help prop up the sagging economy.

Oregonians have it all figured out. Since the kids cant learn to read anyway lets cut some funding to the schools as well. They can just shorten the school year a bit. In the end, no one will really notice the difference. The teachers will get a few days less pay; they will be more relaxed better teachers because of the shortened school year and their students will be able to learn faster as a result. Day care providers will be seeing an increase in their revenues as an added side benefit of the shortened school year; this will allow them to spend more. The outlook for our economy just seems to be getting better and better.

We are on a mission to hunt and kill terrorists. We are going to remove weapons of mass destruction from the face of the planet (except of course our own because we need them). This will require massive military manpower. Suddenly our factories will be running at maximum capacity; workers will be getting paid overtime which, of course, will give them more money to spend.

Let us hold up The People of the great state of Oregon as an example - they are true patriots. Tell your congressman you want tax cuts now. Tell your congressman to vote for war.

The state of our union has never been stronger!!!

Posted by jeremy at January 28, 2003 11:49 PM


You go girl!

Posted by: J.D. at January 29, 2003 07:20 PM

The essential problem in this country is not the politics of the country and its officials, it is the lack of understanding of the most basic principal set down by our creator, that of self determination. The problems of the world, the problems of the Nation and the problems of our state are not the real issue. The real issue is the problem of individual people making individual choices. It is incumbent upon us not to dispair about the disrepair of the Nation or State but to repair our own feeble lives so that we have an answer for the world when it asks. In the mean time, God is watching. We serve our world best when we serve him best . . . do not dispair over disrepair. (as as a side note, the State has plenty of money to educate its children if it will, it has plenty to police the state if it will, and plenty to aid the ailing if it will. the issue of greed is more alive and well in the state then it is with its citizens. instead of railing against the greed of man, rail against the greed of the state whose eye never tires of seeing and who wallet is an open pit of want.)

Do good deeds, be of good cheer and eat more fiber.

Posted by: Frank Howard at January 30, 2003 09:47 AM

I agree with Frank about: Do good deeds, be of good cheer and eat more fiber.

Posted by: dad at January 31, 2003 07:37 PM

The first article was so hot, I'm surprised it didn;t start the Internet on fire. The second, well, how should I say it kindly? Speak the truth in love. I'm not feeling very loving after reading it, so I better keep my fingers quiet.

So, Jeremy, I thought you were tired of the B.S. It looks to me that you have created yet another vehicle for spreading it. We used to have one of those over on the farm. The underground press is alive and well, including on the Internet. You don't have to read BS if you don't want to. I can send you some sites.


Posted by: Ray Gingerich at February 2, 2003 06:21 PM

I think we haven't talked politics for MUCH too long. I think you don't listen to Rush Limbaugh anymore--what happened????

Posted by: Jason at February 22, 2003 04:26 AM